Two Songs of the Day that express how I feel right now...

Alone

by LADS

I am alone in the darkness

Can You hear me now

Are You the same

Or are You different somehow

Can You reach me

Can I be sure that You won't hurt me

If I let You in

Are You the same

Or are You different somehow

Can I trust You

-

If I gave You my heart

If I gave You my soul

Would You take me apart

Would You make me whole

-

Do You know my name

When the tears fall are You there to feel the pain

Can You reach me here

Can you give me what I'm looking for

Can You take away the fear

Can I trust You

-

They say that You could come and meet me

Are You really there

Are You the same or are You different somehow

Can You love me

-

If I gave You my heart

If I gave You my soul

Would You take me apart

Would You make me whole

-

Do You know my name

When the tears fall are You there to feel the pain

Can You reach me here

Can You give me what I'm looking for

Can You take away the fear

Can I trust You

--

--

Coming Home

by LADS

There was a day when I could say

That I'll be alright

But I'm not alright today

There was a time when I could find

You right by my side

But You're not here beside me now

-

And I don't know how

I walked out that door

To the stone cold world

Left You waiting for me to come home

-

There was a day when I could say

That it doesn't matter

But it matters now

There was a time when I could find

A million excuses

But there's nothing for me to say

-

Except I'm away

Away from the voice that's been calling me

And I know that it's time to come home

-

I'm coming home

Home to Your open arms

Home, forgive me I've gone too far

I'm coming home

I've tried but I just can't live

Without You any more

-

I thought that I could live my life

Much better without You

So I turned away

And it seems I chased the dreams

I thought that I wanted

Without You around

-

But it's all fallen down

I'm left with the sound of my emptiness

Now I'm scared to give all of my life away

Still I come, I'm undone in this broken state

And I yearn for Your love that I don't deserve

Now it's time for Your child to come home

-

I'm coming home

Home to Your open arms

Home, forgive me I've gone too far

I'm coming home

I've tried but I just can't live

Without You any more

Finals are coming up soon, one week of classes left. That means that Summer Project is that much closer. I'm beginning to get more excited about it but I know I can't let myself really think about it until I am finished with school. I got all my support in, which is such a blessing from God!! But in all of this great stuff thats going on around me and happening, I really don't feel all that happy. I'm not joyful right now. I really feel like all this college stuff is rather pointless in the grand scheme of things. Why can't I get on with living my life right now instead of having to wait two more years before I can travel the world and go into the mission field full time. I guess I'm just having a lot of doubts right now about what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I'm starting to doubt my major and the school I chose. I'm wondering if it's too late to change anything or if it's all pointless now. I'm unsure of whether my doubts are even founded or if it's just me going thru a phase again. I guess I'm just disatisfied with alot of things right now and one of those things is myself and my walk with God.
It will all be over soon, whether I survive it in one piece or not. And then I'll have an awesome summer and God will refresh me, because I'm tired of where I'm at right now, and I don't want to stay here. It's just a little hard to see my way out at times.
God please hold my hand for a little bit longer... lift me up out of the mess I'm in... of the mess I've made of my heart and my soul... piece me back together again to serve your purposes and your Glory!!