First Love...

How easy it is to lose your "first love."
"We are warned in Revelation 2:4 about losing our 'first love.' We should guard against taking our love relationship for granted. The solution is given in Revelation 2:5 to 'remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.' " ~Nancy Wilson in First Love.

Pinkies up ladies! Aubusien girls this is my shout out to you!! I can't wait for Christmas when the tea parties can begin again!!

DBSP '05

"The heart has its reasons that reason knows not of." -Blaise Pascal

Reflected in the beauty of the sunset is the splendor of God! Every moment changing, each second a radiant display of colour and light that takes your breath away.

10 weeks spent immersed in the Love of God, surrounded by 77 others who glorify His name. Learning and teaching each other about His grace. Sharing together times that will change the course of your life. Being accountable and holding others accountable. Seeing the sunrise over the ocean and sunset over the river.

Having a blast and sharing the Love of God with others at the same time. Slicing meat, making beds, serving customers, saving lives, and cutting grass all for the Glory of God. Teaching Sunday School, being adopted by a church family, and growing together as you serve the community as the Body of Christ.

D-Group times, FD times, ministry teams that stretch you, going out to eat together, thrift store shopping, taking walks on the beach, playing soccer and volleyball together, dancing the night away in the most ridiculous outfits.

Family group dinners spent listening to Rick laugh at everything, except Sarah's jokes!

Learning to juggle time and allowing God to fill every aspect of your life, a lesson that will carry you for the rest of your life.

Endless hours spent sharing from your heart with close friends, praying together, singing together and learning together.

Going to work in the mornings (or afternoon's) and knowing that God is with you and that you are there to shine His light to the people you work with. Seeing them changed and their faces brighter because of the love that you share with them.

Going to a Nascar race, sitting on the SuperStretch, getting rained on, joining the betting pool for a dollar and getting number 19, who comes in 12th place, watching the best fireworks show of your life, and getting back at 3:30 in the morning when you have to be at church at 9am!

Prayer on the Beach at 6am, worship on the beach at 10pm.

Staff Scavanger Hunt at the Boardwalk!

Meeting and forming friendships with some of the most Godly and awesome guys you'll ever meet and seeing God work through them in powerful ways!

This and sooooo much more was my summer. The best summer of my life, one that I will never forget. Friendships that will always be dear to my heart and times that will continue to shape me for the rest of my life. God has showed me His love, His grace, His Joy, and His forgiveness this summer. He has revealed to me thru His Spirit his hand that is upon my life and has shown me how he has been with me and in my heart since I was 5 years old. He truly has never left me nor forsaken me. Even in my times of doubt, my times of rebellion and my times of brokenness He has been working in my heart. Molding me and teaching me, creating me into the Woman of God that He has made me to be. Everything that He has done in my life up until now, and everything that He continues to do has been preparing me to do the work that He has called me to, to be able to stand up for His name and spread His truth and grace to those around me whom He has placed in my path. I know this now and I am willing and prepared to answer this call!

My Summer!!! Daytona Beach Summer Project!!! I will never be the same again!!!

"The heart has its reasons that reason knows not of." -Blaise Pascal

Two Songs of the Day that express how I feel right now...

Alone

by LADS

I am alone in the darkness

Can You hear me now

Are You the same

Or are You different somehow

Can You reach me

Can I be sure that You won't hurt me

If I let You in

Are You the same

Or are You different somehow

Can I trust You

-

If I gave You my heart

If I gave You my soul

Would You take me apart

Would You make me whole

-

Do You know my name

When the tears fall are You there to feel the pain

Can You reach me here

Can you give me what I'm looking for

Can You take away the fear

Can I trust You

-

They say that You could come and meet me

Are You really there

Are You the same or are You different somehow

Can You love me

-

If I gave You my heart

If I gave You my soul

Would You take me apart

Would You make me whole

-

Do You know my name

When the tears fall are You there to feel the pain

Can You reach me here

Can You give me what I'm looking for

Can You take away the fear

Can I trust You

--

--

Coming Home

by LADS

There was a day when I could say

That I'll be alright

But I'm not alright today

There was a time when I could find

You right by my side

But You're not here beside me now

-

And I don't know how

I walked out that door

To the stone cold world

Left You waiting for me to come home

-

There was a day when I could say

That it doesn't matter

But it matters now

There was a time when I could find

A million excuses

But there's nothing for me to say

-

Except I'm away

Away from the voice that's been calling me

And I know that it's time to come home

-

I'm coming home

Home to Your open arms

Home, forgive me I've gone too far

I'm coming home

I've tried but I just can't live

Without You any more

-

I thought that I could live my life

Much better without You

So I turned away

And it seems I chased the dreams

I thought that I wanted

Without You around

-

But it's all fallen down

I'm left with the sound of my emptiness

Now I'm scared to give all of my life away

Still I come, I'm undone in this broken state

And I yearn for Your love that I don't deserve

Now it's time for Your child to come home

-

I'm coming home

Home to Your open arms

Home, forgive me I've gone too far

I'm coming home

I've tried but I just can't live

Without You any more

Finals are coming up soon, one week of classes left. That means that Summer Project is that much closer. I'm beginning to get more excited about it but I know I can't let myself really think about it until I am finished with school. I got all my support in, which is such a blessing from God!! But in all of this great stuff thats going on around me and happening, I really don't feel all that happy. I'm not joyful right now. I really feel like all this college stuff is rather pointless in the grand scheme of things. Why can't I get on with living my life right now instead of having to wait two more years before I can travel the world and go into the mission field full time. I guess I'm just having a lot of doubts right now about what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I'm starting to doubt my major and the school I chose. I'm wondering if it's too late to change anything or if it's all pointless now. I'm unsure of whether my doubts are even founded or if it's just me going thru a phase again. I guess I'm just disatisfied with alot of things right now and one of those things is myself and my walk with God.
It will all be over soon, whether I survive it in one piece or not. And then I'll have an awesome summer and God will refresh me, because I'm tired of where I'm at right now, and I don't want to stay here. It's just a little hard to see my way out at times.
God please hold my hand for a little bit longer... lift me up out of the mess I'm in... of the mess I've made of my heart and my soul... piece me back together again to serve your purposes and your Glory!!

Your True Birth Month Is January

Loyal Social Logical Easily jealous Loves children Rather reserved Highly attentive Likes to criticize Needs close friends Ambitious and serious Smart, neat and organized Hardworking and productive Loves to teach and be taught Quiet unless excited or tensed Sensitive and has deep thoughts Knows how to make others happy Searches for the greatest romance Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds Romantic but has difficulties expressing love Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses

What's" Your True Birth Month?

Where am I headed?

God, where am I going? What will I be doing in the next ten years? What are my dreams? Will they come true? A long time ago I stopped seriously dreaming and wanting for myself because I wanted to follow your will for my life and not my own. But now I think I've lost the ability to dream, to look inside and feel what I wanted to do. I feel lost at times and question the path that I am on or the goal to which I am heading toward. Are what I'm saying I want and what I truly deep down want really the same. I trust that you have placed inside of me dreams and wishes that is part of your way of showing me your plan and will for my life. But I'm now to scared or far away to see them anymore. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of what my heart wants, of what it is trying to tell me. I catch a glimpse of the dreams and the passion. But it doesn't last long enough to put into words. I've lost or never had the ability to express this desire or Romance:

Philosophers call this Romance, this heart yearning set within us, the longing for transcendence; the desire to be part of something larger than ourselves, to be part of something out of the ordinary that is good. Transcendence is what we experience in a small but powerful way when our city's football team wins the big game against tremendous odds. The deepest part of our heart longs to be bound together in some heroic purpose with others of like mind and spirit. - The Sacred Romance

The heart yearning is there, the excitement at times is almost overwhelming. But I have just always suppressed it. It felt to funny at the time, I was to conscious of what others saw and thought, or I was afraid to express myself. And now I almost can't express myself. I'm out of practice, my mind just doesn't work that way, but my heart wants to sometimes.

In the midst of all of this questioning and wondering this quote holds another larger grain of truth that has greatly become a reality in my life recently. The desire and longing to be bound together with others of like mind and spirit of a heroic purpose. This I have found in the servant team of CRU ministry here. The girls in this group make up a unique and special group of people in my life and what makes it even better is that we are all working together toward the goal of reaching our campus for Christ and impacting this world. No goal or purpose is higher than this, and no matter how small or large my part in this is, it brings my heart joy and purpose and a dream that I have forgotten for a while. My mind has stuck to it and my mouth repeats it, but now my heart also joins with it. There are still so many unanswered questions and I will probably never have the answers to all of them.

But I choose to rest in the arms of the Lord and trust in his will and joy and grace and peace and blessings and unsurpassable wisdom.

Daytona Here I come!!

I got accepted to the Daytona Beach Summer Project!! I can't wait to get there. It is going to be so hard waiting and making it through the rest of the semester now!! hehe. I guess I'll just have to work harder now at being a nerd! Oh well. Please pray that I can get all of the support that I need in!! I'm working on my letters right now and have a long list of people to send to. If you would like to be on that list and help send me to Daytona this summer that would be great. Just let me know!! I can use all of the help that I can get.
Other random happenings:
1. no one showed up for a tour during my duty time, so I got out of that early.
2. I didn't have a waffle for breakfast this morning.
3. I got sick of my room and rearranged it yesterday. It felt good and I like the new set up. I religiously do this at least twice a year. You know when you can't stand things anymore and you just need a little change. Something new; a new atmosphere.
4. I am now officially 6 papers behind in History, they are due March 30th, and by then I will have 8 due!!
5. My best friend Joy, who goes to OSU and is from Paris, whom I have not seen in over a year, is coming down for a weekend soon!!! I'm so excited.
6. I got accepted to be a Community Advisor for next year, so that means I'll have a single room!! I also get to come back to school early.
7. I got elected to be Honor Board Vice-Chair for next year! working my way up the chain here.
8. I love my physics class!!
9. I think I'm running out of things to say.
10. I have to go to class now! History of the New South!! Yippee (not really)
11. So have a good day everyone

Picts...

...not the ones in Scotland. I have now posted a bunch of pictures from my month in London that I hope give you a pretty good look at what it was like there. Like I said in my last post, we went everywhere, and I have way too many pictures to post them all so I tried to pick the best and most representative ones. I tried to put a couple up with me in them. We had a blast walking around everywhere. I hope you enjoy the slide show. Sorry it's so long. You'll probably have to look through a couple of pages to see them all. The are posted in the opposite order in which they were taken but it should all be cool. Enjoy!!

Home Sweet Home!! while we were in London atleast.  

The underground station next to our hotel.  

"Mind the Gap please between the tube and the platform, Mind the Gap!" 

Westminster Palace from across the Thames. We actually got to go watch the House of Commons and the House of Lords a couple of times. 

I love British road signs. My favorite sign in the tube is "Mind the Gap" They just have a great way with words. 

Self-explainatory 

Look at me!! I'm one of the Beatle's now! 

Shakespear's Globe Theatre on the south bank of the Thames.

The gorgeous English countryside. Still green in the middle of winter. 

"This is my country the land that begat me. These windy spaces are surely my own, and those who toil here, in the sweat of their faces are flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone." One of the many qoutes and other sayings stuck along the very modern walls of the new Scottish Parliament building. 

Edinburgh Castle, looking up at it from Princes Garden and the bottom of the hill.  

The Royal Mile is the main street down the center of the old town of Edinburgh, Scotland. It runs between the Castle and Holyrood Palace.  

Me and our guide, royal warden, at the Tower of London. 

One of the houses of the Nobility off of Green Park near Buckingham Palace. 

The gate at Trinity College Cambridge. 

Kings College Chapel at Cambridge University. It is gorgeous inside. 

The Roseta Stone in the British Museum which was down the street, less than a block away, from our hotel. 

George Orwell's house near Portobello Road.  

We went to the market here. It had to have been 2 miles long. It was great.